


A Hundred Ways to Wreck Shinra HQ

by CatatonicEngineers



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: AVAFam is the best family, Dammit Cloud stop with the sidequests, Do you wanna build a snowman I mean wreck some capitalist shit?, F/M, PlushiePrincess, Wholesome fluff for a plaguey world, if the world was ending you'd come over right?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25477849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatatonicEngineers/pseuds/CatatonicEngineers
Summary: A wholesome fluff fic involving vandalism and the death of capitalist greed.
Relationships: Yuffie Kisaragi/Reeve Tuesti
Kudos: 94





	A Hundred Ways to Wreck Shinra HQ

It seemed unfair to say the day was dragging when it wasn’t yet noon. The morning hours were spent in two separate meetings about how the new transportation system would work and Reeve got the impression his department still didn’t understand it. He’d buried himself in architectural drawings shortly thereafter and had yet to emerge. Something about penciling lines and structures was calming. It would have been quicker to do it on his computer, but Reeve felt like working with real paper for a change.

He was on his third cup of coffee when his focus wandered to Cait Sith’s data pad again. There wasn’t much happening there either. The lull before whatever awaited them at the Temple of the Ancients held fast. There were a few loose ends Cloud and the gang wanted to wrap up first. It mostly involved trekking through backwoods towns and mountain passes, dodging monsters every step of the way. 

And Yuffie was missing again.

That last part was concerning. It wasn’t the first time she’d done something like this. She did what she wanted, when she wanted. Their materia hadn’t vanished along with her this time, so that was some consolation. They’d waited as long as they could for her before surmising that she’d be back whenever she happened to feel like returning. Still, she tended to get herself into trouble when she went rogue.

There wasn’t anything Reeve could do anyway. He told himself to quit worrying and picked up the pencil again. A chime from the Worldwide Network drew his attention to his phone. He flipped it over and frowned. No new mail, but the annoying blip didn’t quit. It took him a moment to realize it wasn’t coming from his phone; it was pinging off Cait Sith’s data pad. Any device within Shinra HQ would automatically connect, but he’d never accessed his personal files from there, let alone his mail. His colleagues wouldn’t message him on the data pad either. They didn’t even know it existed. The Cait Sith project was classified at the highest level.

_Hey, I’m outside._

The single message scrawled across the screen of a dead mail account that had never once been used with not a contact in sight. Reeve frowned at it a moment more before deciding it was an error. He was about to adjust the view back to whatever trail Cloud had them hiking up when a second message shot across the screen.

_You ignoring me?_

It felt like an intruder, a threat that had somehow broken through the seamless web of security he’d built around the plush cat. Who the hell was Treasure Princess and why were they outside? Outside of where?

 _I think you’re trying to reach someone else._ Reeve tried to dismiss it.

_Whoa, rude. Everyone else hates you right now. You really think you can be snooty about picking your friends?_

Sweat prickled along his palm. 

Cait Sith had been compromised. 

It was true no one from AVALANCHE had spoken to him in days. They shunned him from their meetings now and every time he opened his mouth, Barret would shout over him and say he couldn’t hear whiny, little spy bitches. Aside from the hostage, his only assurance of safety was the fact that the terrorists didn’t know his identity. He’d been certain none of them possessed the intellect to break his cover. Sure, Cid knew enough about Shinra tech to be a risk and Vincent’s past with the Turks might’ve made him more inclined to decoding complex espionage, but Reeve had been careful. Rabid perfectionism was what his colleagues called it. He’d left no vulnerabilities, nothing to trace Cait Sith back to the board of directors, let alone to his office. 

Now he was second guessing his every move. Where had he slipped up and how? 

A red dot traveled from Reeve’s drawings over his arm. He jerked back so fast his chair crashed into the wall. Arms flailing in some kind of defensive posture that would’ve been utterly useless against a sniper rifle, he fell to the floor in a heap of pencils, spilled coffee, and paper. 

Reeve winced when the light blinded him for a second.

A familiar cackle filled the once peaceful quiet as Gyahaha’s idiotic frame shadowed his doorway. The Head of Public Safety couldn’t protect a chocobo from running into a wall. He was the single stupidest individual Reeve had ever met, his commitment to petty torture and daily workplace bullying rivaled only by his insufferably low IQ. At least his ever present shadow wasn’t around to laugh at his pranks. Kyahaha was off working on that robot. A waste of resources if you asked Reeve (not that anyone had, it wasn’t like he was the goddamn sole engineer on the board or anything). 

“Please leave.” Reeve straightened his chair and gathered his scattered papers. He moved a hand to his throat to straighten his tie. The suffocating feeling remained. His pulse was racing. “I have a very pressing deadline.” Lies, all lies, but he wanted Heidegger out. He needed to deal with the matter of the data pad.

The man gave another snorting chuckle, his whole body shaking with hilarity at his own childish humor. “Flush your deadlines with the rest of your crap, Reeve.”

“That wasn’t funny earlier and repeating it every day since hasn’t made it funnier.” Reeve murmured. No matter what he said, Heidegger seemed to think he enjoyed their office camaraderie. “Isn’t there some security matter you should be dealing with? Some new guards to fill with regret for their life choices?”

Gyahaha snatched one of the papers Reeve had just smoothed and crumpled it into a ball. He tossed the ruined drawing into the plant on Reeve’s desk. It knocked over the Kalm Kon flyer pinned to his monitor. His colleagues never failed to deride his hobby of wearing ears and a tail to a convention full of brightly colored plushies and comic books. “Not as amusing. They don’t flinch like little girls.” After a moment of bland staring, he concluded that he’d go try to traumatize the new guards anyway. The only way to get rid of Gyahaha was not to engage, a challenge Reeve found hard to swallow at times.

Drawing a slow breath, he picked the data pad up and forced himself to ask. 

_Who is this?_

_:D_

Reeve paused. His shoulders slumped, relaxing a little. The weight of imminent death lifted.

_Yuffie?_

_The one and only, the single white rose of Wutai, the champion of the Earth and the Sky –_

She was still typing, but he’d quit reading it. _How did you get this mail server?_ She’d only found Cait Sith’s data pad somehow. Her probing questions proved she didn’t have a clue who he was. His identity was still safe.

_Not hard. I traced your connection. I used to hack into Shinra WN all the time when I was a kid._

_You’re still a kid. And this wasn’t a good idea. Where are you anyway?_

_So how old are you then?_

She was persistent. Reeve wasn’t about to give her a single detail that could lead to him. Yuffie’s meddling would have to end here. _Old enough that you should listen to me. Where. Are. You._

_Outside._

This was becoming annoying. _Of?_

_Your office._

The mortal panic from earlier returned full force. Rushing to the window, Reeve threw open the screen and poked his head out. Urban Planning was on the 63rd floor. He surveyed the ground below, scattered with company cars and suits. The noise of it all quickened his rising headache. For a moment, he thought she was kidding, trying to get a rise so he’d tell her who he was. Then he spotted her. Well, not her exactly, but a very distinct moogle hat complete with a bright pink pom pom several floors below. She’d bought it at Gold Saucer. He supposed that was her attempt at a disguise.

Reeve looked back at the data pad, his head whirling, trying to process the crisis unfolding around him.

_Well, Shinra HQ anyway. Isn’t this exciting? Like an intrepid princess standing beneath the hero’s cubicle balcony, waiting for her prince to come and spray paint this ugly ass building with every profanity known to man._

The shock of Yuffie’s sudden, determined plan to graffiti Shinra HQ left him blinking at his phone with a sense of numb dread. He typed out the first words of a long winded warning about how she needed to leave immediately, but another new message popped across his screen. How the hell were people finding Cait’s data pad all of a sudden?

The second message looked like standard junk, some kind of mailing list or forum. Maybe he’d somehow become discoverable on the WN thanks to Yuffie. Reeve read several of the group’s topics aloud, mumbling to the plant on his desk.

“Make School Lunches Fun Again: Twenty Homemade Bento Box Ideas,” he scrolled through, growing more confused by each header. “Fabulous Exercises for Busy Moms. Is Gluten Really Bad? Creative Crafts for Rainy Day Parenting.”

The day had gone from boring to bizarre very, very quickly. 

_Yuffie,_ Reeve ignored whatever a wheat free cactuar cookie was and tried to focus on the present crisis. _This isn’t a game. Don’t go into the building._

_Can you see me? I stole an intern’s key card._

_Yes, I can see you, but don’t go into the building._ He repeated, thinking she’d missed his earlier message.

_So you’re somewhere on the north side, facing the main entrance._

Reeve heaved an impatient sigh. _Yes, more than half of the offices face the main entrance. That’s why it’s called the main entrance._

_Okay, don’t get your tail in a twist. So we doing this or what?_

_Doing what?_ He wanted to open the window again and scream at her.

_Yanno, vandalism? Sticking it to Shinra? Remember we talked about how we’d spray paint the Cosmos Theater?_

A distant memory of a conversation they’d had around the campfire came back to haunt him. They’d been talking with Nanaki about what they’d wanna do if the planet died tomorrow. He – that was, Cait Sith – had offered up vandalizing the infernal Visual Entertainment Hall. The eyesore was a pathetic attempt at an educational theater, unscientific and full of Shinra propaganda about the president’s precious Neo Midgar. When it wasn’t being used to delude visitors with false promises of a shiny, new city rather than the one right here, in front of them, that Reeve worked tirelessly to improve, it was used for team building seminars. There was nothing Reeve despised more than sitting in a room with Kyahaha and Gyahaha watching outdated office training modules. 

Still, he couldn’t very well waltz downstairs, grab a can of spray paint, and start graffiting the museum in the middle of the day.

_That was a joke, Yuffie._

Rather than responding, she sent him a picture of a harmless looking grocery bag full of spray paint. Dear Gaia, she was serious.

_You cannot come to my office. You cannot spray paint the theater. This is completely beyond the realm of acceptable behavior and you need to leave immediately._

_What’s wrong? Is your boss there?_

The harsh reply wasn’t like Cait Sith. Some inexplicable regret lingered, but he forced himself to be direct with her. A severe approach would resolve the situation quicker. 

_Did you do what I said with the kiddie math homework?_ Or at least he was going to be firm, if she didn’t keep texting before he could reply and changing the subject. 

_No,_ Reeve frowned at the data pad. He checked on Cait Sith and entered some commands for the plush cat. _I told you, I’m not going to just throw those pages away and hope her teacher doesn’t notice. I’ll figure out how to do it._ As it turned out, being Shinra’s top engineer hadn’t equipped him for preschool mathematics. The way they taught numbers these days was absurd. He wasn’t sure how many oranges and cookies were left at the end of the maze of words and garbled stories about sharing, but he didn’t have the nerve to ask Tifa for help. She probably would have given it, but that only made Reeve feel like the lowest of the low as Cloud had aptly called him. _Cheating is wrong._

_Okay, Shinra guy, you kidnapped a four-year-old._

Reeve paused. Wasn’t he the one who’d resolved to be harsh?

_I’m just saying we’re way beyond that on a scale of wrong._

_We’re not vandalizing Shinra property._ He refused to let her distract him again.

_Hey, are you in Administration? Kinda seem like the admin type._

 _No and no._ Reeve glanced at his computer. _You realize only a crazy person would do this, right? Track someone down, show up at their work like this?_

_Preschool kidnapping._

__

_I have a meeting._

__

_Skip it._

__

_Leave!_

There was a long enough pause that Reeve thought he might have finally gotten through to her. Then another message flitted across the screen. He could almost feel the anger blazing off the single worded reply.

_Pussy._

__

_Creative._

__

_Should’ve known you weren’t serious. You didn’t mean anything else you said, so why would you actually have the balls to chuck up the deuces to the company that cuts your paychecks? That free Shinra coffee is really that good, huh?_

__

_Please stop._ She was worse than Marlene. The tantrum didn’t end there.

_Better punch the time card for this break or they might catch you doing something wrong. Oh no, don’t spend precious company time messaging me. Rufus Fucking Shinra might get mad. Someone might take away your parking pass. The horror!_

A bullet to the head was more likely, but he’d prefer it if Yuffie ran with her idea that he was a low ranking worker bee. Better to throw her off his trail, even if it meant putting up with her taunts. He let her rant and scrolled through the strange forum instead. She’d wind herself down eventually and catch the next train back to the city. 

Meanwhile, someone named Stacey had posted an article discussing vaccines. Reeve made the mistake of clicking on it. He’d expected something noteworthy, a new discovery perhaps. His confusion deepened at the lengthy diatribe of reasons not to vaccinate one’s children. He felt his eye twitch in utter disgust for the lack of scientific fact.

It wasn’t that he cared much about the topic or had any right to weigh in on it, but the affront to logical rationale couldn’t stand. Grabbing several links from his favorite scientific journals, Reeve sped through an essay on why Stacey was the second stupidest person he’d ever met. A full twenty minutes elapsed before he hit send and allowed a smug grin to slip across his face. 

The brief smile dropped along with all of the dread that had been lingering in his gut. Yuffie had stopped ranting while he’d been busy with his research. A single message from Treasure Princess remained.

_Fine. I’ll trash Shinra HQ myself._

Reeve scrambled to the window again. No moogle hat. 

_Do not trash the building!_

Nothing.

_DO NOT._

Nothing.

_Yuffie, please respond._

Nothing.

_YUFFIE._

The blip of a message made him jerk forward. His hope fell when he realized it was the forum again, not Yuffie. A dozen or more replies came flooding in from women he didn’t know. 

_Yeah, Kitty! Stacey’s a bitch!_

__

_Yasss, mama! Drop that truth._

__

_Mommies supporting mommies. Go off, Kitty!_

Reeve wondered if perhaps this was all some twisted and baffling mind game that Hojo had conjured up. Perhaps at this moment, he was the unwitting pawn of some psychological experiment where nothing and no one made any sense.

He fought the urge to run for the main lobby and settled for a brisk, intent walk. It was likely just another taunt to try and lure him out or get him to pay attention to her antics. She wouldn’t really do anything. Not even Yuffie was that reckless. That was what Reeve repeated to himself as he thumbed the elevator. He was nearly to the lobby floor when a flock of security personnel scrambled into the lift. Not security; parking authority to be precise.

“A five car pile up?” One of them was jabbering. “Are you sure?”

“Someone’s paycheck is gonna be on the line for this.” Another put in.

The sinking dread returned. Reeve cleared his throat. “Is there a problem, officers?”

“Oh, Director Tuesti.” They sounded scared. No doubt they hadn’t noticed a higher up was standing right behind them. “It’s nothing, sir. We’re working on it, but – erm --”

Reeve sighed. “You can tell me.”

“Someone stole the stop sign in the east lot.”

“And no one knows how to drive through a roundabout without it?” Reeve had meant to hide his disgust, but it came through anyway. The officers flinched. It wasn’t their fault. He had no way of explaining that it was in fact his fault for allowing a known terrorist to run wild through the building. He waved his hand at them. “Forget it. Just get it replaced and rope off the accident before anyone notices.”

Stepping out of the elevator, he took a tentative look around. There were no obvious fires or explosions, so that was a small comfort. The lobby opened up to the height of three floors, flanked by parallel staircases and illuminated by the large overhead lamp. A collection of smaller light fixtures cast attention to the exhibitions on the base floor. 

He glanced at the data pad.

_Did you get your gysahl green smoothie this morning?_

__

???

__

_Can’t be a basic Shinra bitch without one._

A screech from the floor below made him tense. Green, sticky goop rained from the ceiling, onto a herd of unsuspecting executives. One of them dropped their bags and swatted at the unresisting rain of foul smelling vegetable juice. Reeve followed the torrent up the scaffolding where several buckets held station. Ropes were fastened to the bottom and carried across the lowest floor so that every time someone walked into the trip wires, gysahl green smoothie came pouring down.

 _Not funny._ So she was somewhere inside the building. 

_Cait Sith would’ve laughed._

He gripped the railing and watched several more executives slip in the mess. _If security catches you, this will be taken as an act of terrorism, not a prank. Do you understand? AVALANCHE is on Shinra’s most wanted list for a reason._

_What do you care anyway? One less of us for you to deal with._

He hated how she was insistent on her us vs. them mentality. It was like Barret and his followers breathed in absolutes and thought themselves the defending heroes of the planet, even when they were tormenting innocent executives with festering green goop.

_Aren’t you late for your complimentary yoga sesh?_

Yoga. That meant the fitness center. He needed to intercept her before someone else did.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Reeve dodged around the puddles at the foot of the lobby and hurried for the west corridor. The eyes of the front desk staff burned into him. It was rare to see him outside his office at all, let alone on the main level. His presence was going to start murmurs that some kind of crisis was underway. That was the only reason the directors ever showed their faces below the 60th floor.

He needed to gain control of the situation before it escalated. The rec room didn’t look out of sorts. He wasn’t sure if he’d expected sticky green goop everywhere or graffiti on the mirrors, but there was nothing amiss. Weight benches, a few treadmills, yoga mats – standard fitness center layout. For once he must have been one step ahead of Yuffie. He leaned against the wall and waited, careful to stand far back from the room. 

Another five minutes past with no meddling ninjas in sight. Reeve looked up when one of the admins fell face first into the treadmill. He frowned when several others followed suit. There was some kind of grease on the belts and several were running backwards.

Then there were the weights. A few moments of observation, of watching scrawny office workers crumple and throw out their backs, made him realize the signs noting 5 lbs. and a 100 lbs. and the like had all been swapped. One stack of weights was glued together. How she’d managed that was a small wonder.

If it ended there it might not have been so bad, but someone had the bright idea to turn on the shower. Screams from the locker room offered thin warning as the doors creaked under the weight of an overflowing pipe. Waves burst through the thin wood, flooding the rec room. By the time it was all over, Reeve’s best suit was soaked. The water came up to his waist. Leviathan had helped managed that one no doubt.

He didn’t even flinch when the sprinklers went off. How she’d rigged that too was nothing short of an unholy miracle. What did make him flinch was the sudden blaring of emergency sirens. Reeve waded into the hall and cupped a hand around his eyes. Flashing lights on every corridor told of a security breach. 

He knew it was only a matter of time.

Pulling up his personal phone, he read the all staff alert with grim resignation. A vehicle had been stolen from the museum. Hijacked. All members were to be on alert for the stolen antique buggy. Said buggy was now engaged in a high speed chase with Heidegger’s idiotic minions. Any other time, the thought of Gyahaha chasing a run down exhibit piece through the pristine halls of Shinra HQ would have been hilarious. 

The shoot on sight order made it sickening instead. 

Reeve jumped. The data pad was ringing now. His hand hovered over it, hesitating a moment before pulling it to his ear. 

“Hello? Yes?” He panted. 

“Is this,” the voice on the other end wasn’t Yuffie’s. A strange woman answered with a note of confusion in her tone. “Marlene’s babysitter?”

Right. She’d had a playdate that was supposed to have ended an hour ago. When he’d failed to pick her up, she must have given them the only number she knew to reach him at. “Yes, this is Reeve.” If anything else went wrong, he’d pitch himself off the 63rd floor and be done with it. “You must be Betty’s mother. I’m so sorry. I’m still at the office and I lost track of time and there’s a – a situation here.”

“It’s alright,” Betty’s mother sounded like she was smiling in some unspoken unity. Maybe he’d spent so much time around Gyahaha and Kyahaha that he’d forgotten human decency was still in fashion. “I know how it goes. Reeve, huh? Marlene said your name was Kitty so I thought you might be another mom from the neighborhood. Sorry about that! I added you to our group since I know it’s tough juggling parenting and work and everything else. Sometimes it’s nice to have people who listen.”

Reeve managed a desperate laugh. “I suppose that explains it.”

“Hey, why don’t we let the girls have a sleepover? We don’t mind keeping her a little longer.” 

“Are you sure?” Honestly, that would have been nothing short of amazing. He didn’t think he could deal with a child and a rogue ecoterrorist all in one day.

“It’s no trouble. Marlene’s such a good kid. Like I said, we understand.” She paused. “My husband works on the reactors and he just got sent to Junon for a week. Not even a day’s notice. Can you believe those Shinra pricks?”

Reeve forced another awkward laugh. “Yes, well, I’m sure his work is appreciated. The reactors create jobs and all, right? Uh,” he was suddenly desperate for her answer. It wasn’t often that the people of Midgar spoke candidly about his work. “Right?”

“Would rather starve if it wasn’t for the kids.” Well, he’d asked for blunt and he got it. “Appreciated. Right. We’ll see how appreciated he is when he misses Betty’s graduation for Mako poisoning treatments.” She sighed. “I know I should look on the bright side, but I worry about him. They say one in five get sick from those things now. We’re all just getting by though, aren’t we?”

“Uh, yes. That’s true.” Reeve managed. His calculations hadn’t shown the risk to be that high, but then again it was Hojo’s scientists who brought him the figures. If they’d been fixed to appear less hazardous, then Betty’s father might not be there by the time she graduated.

“Anyway, don’t work too hard and don’t worry about Marlene. We’ll take good care of her!”

He barely had time to thank her when the sirens went off again. The pulsating wail grew more urgent as he made his way back to the main lobby. Utter chaos awaited him there. All terrain transports were rolling around the entryway, guns turrets loaded with what looked like anti-aircraft missiles. 3-C SOLDIER operatives and slug-rays stalked the floor. Security had made quick work of getting everyone off the premises. Tomorrow they’d invent some cover story about how it was just a drill to showcase Shinra’s military might.

Or they’d execute Yuffie on live television.

“Who authorized this?” Reeve snapped at the nearest operative. He knew exactly who, but he wanted to demand an explanation anyway. All of this for one intruder was a PR nightmare at best.

“The Head of Public Security has ordered this floor closed off.”

“You can’t have a militarized zone in the middle of the lobby.” Reeve flung his hand at the absurdity. “Clean this up immediately.”

“Director, Heidegger’s orders were clear.” The operative hesitated.

“And I’m overriding those orders.” That would have consequences. The fallout from stepping on Heidegger’s toes was never pleasant. “Or do you want to be the one to explain to the president why a Code Red security breach at HQ made front page news?”

The tension in Reeve’s shoulders eased when the security division began to pull back. Nothing like the threat of Rufus Shinra to send them running. He crossed his arms and scowled at them until they hurried along. They were just about clear, the last missiles being loaded back onto the armored truck they’d parked in the museum entrance, when the lead operative’s radio crackled to life.

“You’ve got her barricaded in the tunnel?” The words sent a chill down Reeve’s spine. “Copy that. Sending back up. We’ll block off the north exit. She can’t hide forever.”

He didn’t know what he was doing until he’d grabbed the commander’s radio and shoved the elite operative aside. Shouting into it with all the rage he’d directed at whoever that Stacey woman was, Reeve issued a new command. “This is Director Tuesti speaking. I’m revoking those orders. All security forces are to abandon pursuit and return to base immediately.”

“But sir --”

“Tuesti out.” Reeve dropped the radio back into the commander’s hand. He didn’t make a habit of abusing his power like the other directors. Perhaps that was why the shock of it compelled them to action. The security team was speeding back out of the tunnel by the time he reached the north entrance. The sirens faded. Reeve waited a moment longer to be sure the chase was, at last, over before making his way to the elevator.

Gaia above, he needed a coffee.

_Those SOLDIERs sure left in a hurry._

He glared at the message, but didn’t respond. After the trouble she’d caused him, he wasn’t about to encourage her. She was damn lucky he’d been able to intervene. Yuffie had a habit of relying on luck rather than common sense.

_Guess you’re more important than I thought._

The elevator took its time getting to the 63rd floor. He frowned at her insistent messaging even when he refused to send so much as an acknowledgment. 

_That’s honestly so much weirder. What kind of Shinra exec runs around pretending to be a stuffed cat? Kinda wish I didn’t know._

49th floor, 50th, 51st -- she was still fishing for information.

_It’s just worse now, knowing you could’ve said no if you wanted._

It took him a moment to decode her rambling and discern that she was referring to his espionage mission. She wasn’t wrong, but there were different types of duty that went beyond an obligation to punch a timecard each morning. He couldn’t blame her for not understanding though. Things were simpler with Cait Sith.

The next message was a picture of some kind of cheap alcohol, the kind they served in the lower level lounge. Light reflected off the bottle. Zooming in a bit proved his guess; she was in the Cosmos Theater. 

_Anyway. I’m freaking out so I’m gonna drink this entire bottle of Banora White and fuck up the theater. I get that you weren’t serious about the vandalism thing now, but if you could, like, come down here and just hang out for a second, that would be great._

Floor 63 lit up and the elevator doors flew open. The fact registered as a vague detail, distant and numb beside whatever was happening with his ninja companion. 

_What are you on about, lass?_ She could’ve at least picked a better drink of choice than Banora White. Whiskey usually did it for Reeve when he was on the brink of a breakdown. The fact that she’d gone straight for whatever gut rot was within reach proved she was still a kid. 

A kid that was caught up in a struggle for the planet’s very life, against agents who’d let the whole world burn to secure a single scrap of power for their ambitions. A kid that was all alone in an empty museum. Scared. Desperate.

 _Please, I’ll close my eyes, I promise. I’m really really really really_ – there were several more “really’s” – _losing my shit right now._

The elevator door closed. 

_I mean, I wanted to see you, but that’s okay. The real reason I did this whole panic roadtrip was because I kinda couldn’t stand being there anymore. Don’t get me wrong – nothing on Cloud and the gang. It’s just been a lot lately, you know? Hopping on a bus to Midgar sounded fun._

__

_Your idea of fun is everyone else’s idea of a headache._

__

_It’s just that what if something worse happens? What if things change after we get to the Temple or what if we’re too late to stop Sephiroth? I just can’t shake this feeling that nothing is ever gonna be the way it was before._

__

_All we can do is keep moving forward._

__

_I know materia, Cait. I know how powerful it can be. The Black Materia is no joke._

“Aye, neither is paintin’ bad words on company property.” But they’d been over that already. From the wild scrawl of “Fuck Shinra” that adorned one wall of the theater, the caution still hadn’t sunk in. Well, technically, it said “FuckS” but he guessed she hadn’t finished. On the opposite end, several more obscenities and drawings of Rufus had ruined the expensive AV equipment. 

He was relieved to see she hadn’t touched the Banora White yet. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Yuffie sat on the floor, tossing a can of yellow spray paint between her palms. She’d brought about eight different colors. Reeve wasn’t sure if the careful planning impressed or terrified him. “I never said I made good choices. Hey, wait –” The realization that they weren’t messaging hit her with a fresh jolt of excitement. She jumped up and would’ve spun around if Reeve hadn’t reminded her what their deal was.

“Crikey, lassie, simmer down!” He held up his hands. No hugs. Absolutely not. 

“Oh, right.” Yuffie pulled her headband over her eyes. She twirled around, her arms thrown out to take in her artwork. “There, can’t see a thing, honest! Whoa, whoa, whooooa –” she flailed, but caught the edge of the railing before tumbling over. 

“Okay, okay, ye jimminy, I get it.” Reeve rubbed his tired eyes. He picked up the bottle of alcohol and dumped it out. “Shut yer gob.”

Yuffie crossed her arms and stood in the middle of the room. “So whaddaya think? It’s pretty good, right?”

“I reckon that’ll show ‘em.” Reeve frowned at the graffiti. At least it wasn’t more Lil Stamps.

“Yeah?” Yuffie giggled. “Turned out better than I thought. What can I say? I impress even myself.” She went on rambling, but she’d taken a step away from the doom and gloom musings and moved on to more mundane topics. “So, anyway, about Marlene’s homework, if you aren’t going to throw it out, maybe you should just write something down and let her turn it in. I mean, is her teacher even gonna read it? It’s not like four-year-olds have brains. Why do they give them homework anyway?”

“Nah, I reckon I’ll figure out how to do it proper at that. I got this –” Reeve didn’t know how to explain the forum. “– this group that’ll prolly help.”

“Like a math club?” Yuffie wrinkled her nose. “Nerd.”

“Last train’s at nine, yanno.” He picked up the discarded can of blue paint, weighing it in his hand.

“Still trying to get rid of me,” Yuffie smirked. He was about to launch into another lecture, but she stopped him. “Okay, okay. I’m just messing with you. Don’t worry, I’ll leave tonight.” Dragging the toe of her boot along the squeaky floor, Yuffie lowered her chin. “So, uh, this group,” her mouth twisted in a pouty line. “You gonna spy on them too?” She kicked at the linoleum. “Nevermind, don’t answer that. Just, um, I’ll see you when I get back, yeah? Cloud’s probably still doing dumb shit like helping people.”

“Aye, that’s the worse.” Reeve laughed. It was true, they were still trekking around the same small village. For a mercenary, he sure took enough odd jobs to fund ten ecoterrorism groups if he didn’t also accept payment in chocobo eggs and antique clocks. 

He was relieved to hear Yuffie laugh again. “Well, that’s enough panicking for one day. I’m feeling better now, so, uh –” she let the thought linger.

“Count to twenty, then open yer eyes, lassie.”

“Fine.” Yuffie groaned. “Mygod, you’re a freak.”

Reeve felt the ghost of a smile try to tug at his tired face. He ignored it, but couldn’t help flicking the switch for the observatory while Yuffie counted out loud. He slowed his pace enough to listen to her squeak in surprise and wonder as the theater lit up with stars. Sure, it was no Cosmo Canyon, but it was pretty. 

Time to get back to work. He hurried so they didn’t bump into each other on the elevator. Thumbing the button for the 63rd floor yet again, Reeve reflected that it was probably too late for coffee. That never stopped him, not when his growing migraine told him he needed to down an entire pot. The data pad blipped. He wondered if every time that happened now he’d get a slight jolt of terror.

When he looked down at the screen, a picture of the finished graffiti brought the smile to his face again. It wasn’t exactly a marvel of design with green and blue scrawl slapped together in overlapping, blocky letters, but he’d finished it while she’d had her eyes closed. The truth of it was that he hadn’t been joking when he’d said he’d always wanted to trash the Cosmos Theater. Gaia alive, that was satisfying.

_FUCK SHINRA. And so the plushie prince came down from his high and mighty tower to rescue the brave thief, who definitely didn’t need rescuing, but very much appreciated it anyways._

The elevator doors dinged open. _Anything for you, princess._

**Author's Note:**

> More fanfic trash involving stuffed animal spies because that’s where I am at in life right now.
> 
> \- Reeve has kind of a protective big brother bond with Yuffie. My shipper brain says it blossoms into more over the years. But feel free to take it as platonic if that floats your goat. 
> 
> \- Yuffie is the kinda person who plays an online game with you, befriends your avatar, then shows up at your work.
> 
> \- Barret does in fact know exactly who Reeve is. Due to his extensive research on Shinra, it wasn’t difficult to pull up the board members and narrow it down almost immediately. Reeve was the only one with cosplay cat-eared pics that came up when searching the WN. He’s simply ignoring it for now. Incidentally, Reeve didn’t notice he called him by his name. Too busy getting thrown in baby jail.
> 
> \- Having to confront the reality of the fact that he doesn’t doubt Shinra is capable of executing a girl who isn’t exactly a “terrorist threat” shatters some of that cognitive dissonance he’s been running with. Since accountability is never fun, I always thought part of his drive to stop AVALANCHE was anger over Sector 1 and also misguided blame for pushing Shinra to drop the plate on 7. If AVALANCHE hadn’t started it, that wouldn’t have happened kinda thing. But as much as it’s easier to call Barret, Cloud, and Tifa terrorists, he never really thought of dorky, little Yuffie like that.
> 
> \- He is slowly coming around. The slippery slope is for real. One day you’re doing AutoCAD, next day you realize you kidnapped a toddler and infiltrated a terrorist cell. Hard to come back from that.
> 
> \- I'm still quarantined ohmygod someone mail me a friend.


End file.
